The Shape

Unconditional love gets talked about like it has no edges, but that kind of “anything goes” love can turn selfish and chaotic fast. Love has a shape. When we pay attention to Jesus’ words and actions, a pattern emerges that you can actually practice in real life, from conflict and apology to courage, sharing, forbearance, and justice. 

In this episode, Melissa and Bishop Wright have a conversation about Jesus’ teaching on love through John 14:15–21 and the Great Commandment. Together, they discuss what Christian maturity looks like when love is understood as a formative way of life rather than a mere sentiment or feeling. Listen in for the full conversation.

Read For Faith, the companion devotional.

Transcript

People Crave New Love Shapes

Bishop Wright 0:00

People are looking for new shapes of love. And I'm not a religious bigot. I I don't think that these emerging ideas are enemies. I don't think of them that way. The human being, you know, there are basics about us. We want to be loved and we need to love. There are models of love out there that seem like love, but they don't seem to have all the generative possibilities of the love that Jesus describes.

Devotion Setup And The Shape

Melissa 0:30

Welcome to For People with Bishop Rob Wright. I'm Melissa Rau, and this is a conversation inspired by For Faith, a weekly devotion sent out every Friday. You can find a link to this week's For Faith and a link to subscribe in the episode's description. Hey Bishop.

Bishop Wright 0:56

Hey.

Melissa 0:57

This week's devotion you named the shape, based off of John chapter 14, verses 15 to 21.

Bishop Wright 1:05

It's entitled The Shape, as you've said. Unconditional love has a shape. It's not amorphous. Love without shape isn't freedom. It's selfish and chaotic. Christian maturity knows love is shaped like other-centeredness. It's shaped like an apology. It's shaped like gentle boldness. Shaped like courage. It's shaped like sharing. It's shaped like forbearance. It's shaped like justice. The love Jesus brings to the world isn't sentimental. It's formative. It's creative. It's adaptive. The shape is this. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself. Jesus for us is the recognizable shape of love. I said he's the best shape, not the easiest shape.

Melissa 2:03

That's a whole heck of a lot of description about an idea,

Love Has A Recognizable Pattern

Melissa 2:08

Bishop. I have to say, like, what's the opposite of unconditional love?

Bishop Wright 2:13

Yeah, well, unconditional.

Melissa 2:15

Right? All right. So I guess how are we messing this up?

Bishop Wright 2:20

I I think that what I'm really interested in is pattern recognition. I'm really interested in is that if you read Jesus' words on this idea of love, um, a pattern begins to form. A pattern of speaking, a pattern of conflict resolution, uh a pattern of uh acknowledging the dignity of neighbors, uh, a pattern of telling hard truths boldly and gently. And so I'm I'm really interested in just making sure that uh that those of us who are following Jesus uh are clear about the pattern uh and then and then invited, you know, clearly invited uh to sort of replicate it in their own lives. I think that's that's what another way to get at discipleship. You know, I find myself uh having been doing, you know, having done this work for coming up to 30 years, um uh I find myself seeing new ways to communicate, you know, very basic and and frankly eternal truths that emerge out of scripture. And and um, you know, and I I fancy myself as someone who is immersed in scripture and who pays a lot of attention uh to the world, just like lots of us do through social media, through uh through reading of books and through television, you know, just you know, all the streaming that we do. And it occurs to me as I pay attention, um, people are looking for new shapes of love. And uh, and and and so I I take those those messages in and I think about them. Um and and I'm not a religious bigot. I I don't think that um you know these emerging ideas are enemies. I don't think of them that way. Uh, but uh but I think that you know the human the human being is uh you know there are basics about us. Uh we want to be loved and we need to love. Uh and uh there's there's lots of uh uh uh let's call it for better uh for better for lack of better expression. Um there there are models of love out there um that seem like love, but they don't seem to have all the generative uh possibilities of the love that Jesus describes. And so that's what I'm working on.

Melissa 4:49

Okay. Would you be as uh direct to to kind of name some of those versions that aren't as...

Counterfeit Love And Modern Traps

Bishop Wright 4:58

They they they typically show up as hedonism, um, they typically show up in uh consumerism, extreme consumerism. Um they they they tend to show up in um uh tribalism. Um uh they tend to show up in uh uh even violence. Um and you know it what's interesting about it is is uh as unique as every generation sort of thinks that it is, um we're not actually that that unique. Um we we sort of replicate um some of the folly of past generations over and over again with you know just a little extra salt and a little extra pepper on it. Um and so I I think that as society walks away from um you know these these sort of settled ideas about unconditional love as Jesus walked in and talked it, uh people are looking to innovate. They're looking for the genuine article without some of the legitimate failings of organizational religion. And uh and so I guess what I'm trying to say, at least in this meditation, is don't throw the baby and the bathwater out. You know, just because human beings have failed to deliver unconditional love in its purest uh sense, that doesn't mean the idea of unconditional love is a throwaway. It's still an ideal, it's still uh a goal. I think it still has all the benefits that you know the human heart actually desires.

Melissa 6:42

Yeah. So when we talk about dignity work, when we talk about loving, when we talk about generosity and care, self-care, Jesus, I think, he exemplified what it meant to also take care of himself. You know, he did a lot of his own. I'm just gonna assume that that's correct, through boundaries, right?

Boundaries Without Losing Compassion

Bishop Wright 7:22

Yeah.

Melissa 7:22

And I think we said it here before that unconditional love doesn't mean unconditional tolerance.

Bishop Wright 7:27

That's right.

Melissa 7:28

Right. So how how do we live into a more healthy expression? What do we what are the things that we need to protect in order to live more into unconditional love?

Bishop Wright 7:39

You know, I'm I'm working on an ordination sermon right now that uh will have preached by the time this podcast airs. And I'm so struck by Matthew's 10th chapter and and Jesus' soliloquy about do not fear. And he says, do not fear three times. And and one of the fears, he says, is that um do not fear um that you have value. You have more value than than the sparrows. And in fact, every hair on your head has been accounted for. Um, and so I I think I think what what that really occurs to me, uh, how that shows up for me is that you see so many people who confuse unconditional love with self-abandonment. And and and that's and so we're right, we're right to reject that kind of codependence and um and uh uh what shall we say, an unhealthy version of what Jesus. That's actually a sort of a misappropriation of what Jesus is saying. Um no, he's saying you also have uh so much value. Um and so uh the truth is so other centeredness is not the same thing as self-abandonment, I guess is what I'm trying to say. And I think that's an important distinction, especially for people who whose default is to care and who have experienced um who regularly experience compassion fatigue. I would have them to take a look at their boundaries. And I would have them to take a take a season of meditation about how they understand their own self-worth. I find it incredibly affirming that Jesus would stop in the minute, in the middle of a sermon on um keeping the faith in the midst of hostility and even danger and say, hey, wait, just a second, before I continue on uh with all these sort of unadorned words about what this life is like, let me just remind you of something. You have incredible value in the Father's eyes. Incredible value. I mean, that's that's an extraordinary sentence, uh, in my opinion, especially when we think about following Jesus, we think about just pouring ourselves out. But there is a distinction to be made. Jesus isn't calling anybody uh to you know become a welcome mat for anybody. Jesus actually kept pretty radical boundaries. Um He knew how to say no. Um and he knew how to say yes. And the yeses that he said are continue to be instructional. And that's sort of the point of the meditation, and there's a shape there. And I and I think that, you know, so we think discipleship of just, yeah, I okay, I heard the words that Jesus said, and I I heard the action, I watched the actions that he that he took up. There's that, but then his approach, I think, um, to being a believer in the world is is that next level. Um, and to how to bring that into my own life, how to sort of thread that needle between other centeredness and uh and um basking and celebrating the value that I also have in God's eyes. There's a pattern there, there's a shape there.

Melissa 11:06

Yeah, you know, I in in today's world, there's you were talking about we originally, I think the original question was like, what's the opposite of and it's conditional? You were going through a laundry list and and they were all great. And I was thinking of Jesus in the tomb when Mary discovers that you know the body is not there or whatever, and he appears and he says, Mary, do not cling to me, and how clingy and needy so many people are, right? Like I don't know. I I don't know if you have anything to say about that, Bishop, but that is like the kind of uh don't also do this, right? Like don't be so conditional and cling.

Healing Wounds With Mature Love

Melissa 11:42 Bishop Wright 11:44

Right. No, I mean I think that that's you know, the other side of this is um is you know, the shape of the love that Jesus uh embodies also um uh it just it smacks of of maturity. It it smacks of balance. Um, you know, Jesus's pattern of love, his shape of love, it has a healing effect uh on us. A lot of us walk around this world with wounds, and a lot of us are still reeling from family of origin issues. Uh some of us have been really hurt and uh, you know, bone-jarringly disappointed in life. And um, and so so in Jesus' shape of love, there is medicine. There's a process, right? There's a conversation partner uh in Jesus, but also there are conversation partners because of Jesus. And so, you know, if we find ourselves really struggling with some of these issues, I mean, we need to find those physicians, uh, soul physicians and emotional physicians, therapists, et cetera, spiritual uh directors who can help us walk through uh, you know, over this landscape. Uh that's all a part of the healing journey. So we're not just supposed to read the Bible, sit in a quiet room, and you know, and think, you know, like microwave microwave popcorn in two minutes will be, you know, it'll be time to time to be, you know, time to eat. No, not at all. It's a journey we're on. Um, and and part of a good journey is knowing the coordinates, right? And so Jesus just rolls out the coordinates for us. Remember, the coordinates in the great commandment are uh love God, heart, mind, soul, and strength, and neighbor as self. So it presupposes, right, that we love ourselves. And so, you know, I'm not one who spends a whole lot of time on that because I see the other side of the pendulum. I see a little bit too much self-love uh that that really has become selfishness in socially acceptable ways. Um, but but it is true that we do have to stop from time to time and uh and realize that there are some people uh who uh who have given their life to Christ in service, um, who have just figured out how to um, you know, sort of mobilize dysfunction. And while that while that might be where you start, it doesn't have to be where you finish. Because again, you have value. And so this is not, you know, it breaks my heart to hear so many people um, you know, sometimes in service, whether it's service to your family or a service uh to the to the wider world, uh sometimes some of the some of our fan most fantastic server servants uh uh will tell you uh stories of great depression and loneliness.

Melissa 14:36

And so how then might what is the fruit? And I don't mean outside fruit. I'm wondering if someone is trying to lean into loving unconditionally, how might that feel different within them when they're able to love another unconditionally?

Value Without Clinging Or Ego

Melissa 14:48 Bishop Wright 14:51

Yeah, well, I I think it it it begins to when it well, first of all, it starts with a word. And so this is why what Jesus does say in Matthew 10 is so important. You have value. You are more valuable to the Father than all the sparrows, right? Um uh you know, the old song, he's got his uh his eyes on the sparrow, and I know he watches me. So I am washed, therefore I am seen, I am significant there because God says I am. Um I am made in God's image, fearfully and wonderfully made. I mean, one has to tailor one's own meal, right? So, so if if I know when I look in my in my my honest self, if I know these are my wounds, these are my hurts and pains, then I have to reach for, you know, on the medicine cabinet of the Bible, I have to reach on the shelf for the medicine that is specifically for me in this particular season. And so if if if if I find that I have made my life uh, you know, through self-abandonment, um, and and and and call that being a good guy or a good gal, then you know, the invitation today would be um thank God for all the goodness you've let loosen the world. Uh and now let us heal. Uh let us uh let us uh reconstruct some boundaries so that you also know that you mean an awful lot to the world and you mean an awful lot to God. And and let's start there. So there's a differentiation that has to be made, and that comes uh with a good healing word to us. And then it's a daily practice uh of, you know, I heard a story one time that really blew my mind. Uh, and it's a it's a common meditation, and and it it really located me, and I had to really think about that too. A gentleman told a story. He said, You're on a beach, it's a beautiful beach, beautiful day, white sand, blue water, you know, not a cloud in the sky. And off in the distance, uh, there's this figure walking towards you. And as the figure walks closer to you, you realize that it's actually Jesus of Nazareth. And Jesus walks to you. It's an exercise that people do sometimes. And Jesus walks to you and he has something to say to you. And like, you know, and so the meditation pauses and said, Well, what do you think Jesus has to say to you? And, you know, uh, everybody sort of then begins to showcase their defaults, you know, do better, you know, you're forgiven, all these sorts of things. You know, we we start to tell our own sort of inner stories in this meditation. Uh, and then that the gentleman completed the meditation by saying, What Jesus wants to say to you today as he walks up and finds you on the beach is, thank you. And it blew my mind because it never occurred to me for all of the service I had rendered, and no doubt for all the service that had been rendered by the people that were in the room with me, that I had a Jesus who would see me and appreciate me and thank me. And and and I had to walk away from that, really thinking, um, you know, and so we've turned Jesus into this creature who who um uh who it just issues out commandments and obligations uh and stern warnings and all that sort of stuff. Um and I wonder if we could tap into the Jesus who sees me and reminds me of my significance and my value, um, even as we try to join Jesus in his purpose, which is urgent and serious. But at the same time, he holds together this idea of seriousness and purposefulness and also the grace of knowing that I'm held loved and appreciated.

Melissa 18:28

Well, may we all be more and more shaped like that.

Closing And How To Follow

Melissa 18:32

Bishop, thank you. And thank you, listeners, for tuning in to For People. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at Bishop Rob Wright, or by visiting www.forpeople.digital. Please subscribe, leave a review, and we'll be back with you next week.